note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
