Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
