he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
