so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have aggressive nipples.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize