they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
