Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
