the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
