Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
