hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
