I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're too hungover to prance.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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