i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
