I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
