Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
