More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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