Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
