I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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