I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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