I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
