We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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