honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
