My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
