My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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