If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
