I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
