just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
