He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
