Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
