u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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