Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
