My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
