I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize