He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think my cat just said my name.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
