I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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