you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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