Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
