I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
