Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize