When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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