Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't turn off my feet"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
