My friends, they love my intelligence
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
