you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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