my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
