So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
