Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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