Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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