I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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