Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
