Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
