dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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