i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
