We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
