you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
