But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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