Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
