Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
