also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
