Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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