i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
