My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
