Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
