1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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