he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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