I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
