Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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