Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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