did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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