i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize