And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
