I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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