Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
