I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
