i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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