it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
