Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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