Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
