and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
