If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
