Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
