i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize