when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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