there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
