So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
