I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
