I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize