Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
