people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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