careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
