The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
