In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
