I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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