She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
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Do I have a choice?
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You ruined the universe
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
