so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
