What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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