it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
