You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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