I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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