I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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