Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
