Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize