and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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